Mar 15, 2010 09:06
14 yrs ago
1 viewer *
Russian term

Discussion

katerina turevich Mar 15, 2010:
Some other lines around it would help... It is difficult to presume to help someone with translation of poetry. As long as the basic wording concept and feeling is retained, at least I allow myself quite a lot of liberty with poetic expression. Тут же все еще зависит от какого-рода "разлука" имеется в виду. "prolonged loneliness and longing:, or "momentous departure", or smth else. Я хочу сказать, что на самом деле, Вам не обязательно использовать "ice" as such, можно взять "bound", как главное слово. Или совсем как-то по другому. Это надо Вам решать, я согласна с Рэчел, и все зависит же от окружающих строф. И ритм стихотворения: сколько там слогов?
Judith Hehir Mar 15, 2010:
Question to asker: Are you looking for the verb as the question suggests, or do you need the past passive participle, as suggested in your discussion comment?
Jack's suggestion is quite good, but you would likely have to modify it to suit your needs.
Inna Katashova (asker) Mar 15, 2010:
это что-то сродни
"вода, скованная льдом"
так и человек, словно скован разлукой...

Proposed translations

+1
58 mins
Selected

icebound with separation; stone (ice)-cold in separation

Можно много вариантов предложить. Выбирайте сердцем (это же поэзия...) ;)
Note from asker:
мне Ваш вариант пока больше понравился. сердцем чую)
Peer comment(s):

agree David Tugwell
5 hrs
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4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer. Comment: "...a lot of good variants. thanks all of you!"
2 mins

bound (to someone) in sepration

wouldn't be bad to have a few verses though
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5 mins

absence makes the heart grow fonder

A well-known expression in English, not sure if it meets your needs.

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Note added at 3 hrs (2010-03-15 12:24:15 GMT)
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How about a variant on this one?
Silken Chai .
Whatever Swift meant by his great satire he described that particular passage the way we become bound by the silken chains of habit. ...
news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1913&dat=19330603&id...
(The above refers to the passage in Gulliver's Travels in which Gulliver is pinned down to the beach with cords by the Lilliputians)

bound by the silken chains of absence?
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3 hrs

frozen (solid) by [...] parting

Low confidence because I've _no_ confidence in the possibility of "plugging in" to a poem translations of metaphors piecemeal, but...

frozen solid by our parting
frozen solid by your leaving
frozen by our parting [your leaving]
deep-frozen by our parting [your leaving]
iced over by our parting [your leaving]
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4 hrs

paralized/numbed by the separation

Я думаю, в английском языке нам трудно увидеть красоту вашего текста, используя сравнение со льдом, т.к. при переводе теряется метафора.

Я предлагаю такой вариант.

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Note added at 4 hrs (2010-03-15 13:31:53 GMT)
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Вот примеры подобных ситуаций:

Photographer Charles Castle is numbed with grief following the death of his beautiful bride. http://tv.blinkx.com/movie/photographing-fairies/SUShQrmmxZb...

The second stanza states that their relationship has broken down fully conveyed by the words “There is no touch now” and by comparing their relationship to a wave that has now broken down in the lonely sea of the world. Though there is a possibility of words still to be spoken, the separation is too great a gulf to be heard. It is so great that it swiftly out measures time (time makes us gradually forget) and engulf one’s identity too.
The third stanza pictures the state of separation. It is like the dreamer startled from her sleep but the vivid image of the dream is lost in the process of waking. It is in a state of vagueness about a vivid moment of life. All the senses like taste and sight feel numb. Even feelings have turned cold as denoted by the words ‘clinic heart’ (dead heart). So there is no question of the heart breaking.
http://engpoetinschools.blogspot.com/2008/09/explanation-for...
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4 hrs

lonely and sorrowful, as if bound by ice.

or.


if you try to move the concept of "bound by ice" over to 'immobility":

too sad to move, too far away,
As if ice arrested the waters (not letting messages through)
or

cold, icy distance beacons fate
Lonely misery is your fare…

Or
Distance binds just like ice, one stays longing.

But the best is Jack’s, although indeed a bit too much in common use.
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4 hrs

lonely and sorrowful, as if bound by ice

or.


if you try to move the concept of "bound by ice" over to 'immobility":

too sad to move, too far away,
As if ice arrested the waters (not letting messages through)
or

Icy distance beacons fate
Lonely misery is your fare…

Or
Distance binds just like ice, one stays longing.

But the best is Jack’s, although indeed a bit too much in common use.
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7 hrs

chained to the drifting rift

"a rift" is separation in relationship.

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Note added at 7 hrs (2010-03-15 16:45:17 GMT)
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http://www.thefreedictionary.com/rift

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Note added at 7 hrs (2010-03-15 16:50:03 GMT)
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http://www.drifttherift.com/index.php?page=home

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Note added at 7 hrs (2010-03-15 16:52:48 GMT)
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Or - "trapped in drifting rift"

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Note added at 7 hrs (2010-03-15 17:02:46 GMT)
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frozen/trapped in a drifting iceberg of our rift
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8 hrs

shackled by a heavy load of separation

echoing The Blind Boys of Alabama
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21 hrs

bound by separation

someone is bound by separation -

if the phrase that you were looking for was implying that there were two or more people bound when they came together after separating from something, then 'bound in separation' would be more proper
(as Arrigo Frisano-Paulon has already advised above)
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