@Asker 00:29 Apr 14, 2016
For what it's worth, I agree with you that the author's suggestion doesn't work that well in English. I think you have two ways round it. Either with a verb in there somewhere, along the lines of the rendering I have suggested, or something in the proverb style suggested by Yolanda. The latter is closer to the French formulation if the author wants something close.
However, if you don't mind me saying so, the suggestion you make at 14:09 is quite lengthy. The compromise in terms of style is quite substantial and somewhat removed from the French. The original is a succint attempt to get a point across in few words and I think it is important to respect that here. Your rendering is one interpretation of how that original might be read, but there are other readings. I think that if you submit a version which raises conception, perception etc., then you are on the way to grafting an interpretation onto the original. That meaning may be intended, it may not. The main thing it is not what the original actually provides and to me, it is an over-translation. I think you should try and present an English version which is a neatly packaged as the French one. |