General advice on certificate please

English translation: Edit it!

14:34 Jan 24, 2005
Catalan to English translations [PRO]
Social Sciences - Certificates, Diplomas, Licenses, CVs / University
Catalan term or phrase: General advice on certificate please
I was given this model certificate to translate:

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Lluís Ferrer i Caubet, Rector de la Universitat Autònoma de Barcelona,


C E R T I F I C O:

Que Sergio Gracia Barbero, nascut el 13 de març de 1976, a Barcelona, comarca del Barcelonès, de nacionalitat espanyola, amb document nacional d´identitat número 43.440.273, ha superat en aquesta Universitat, amb data setembre de 2001, els estudis que condueixen al títol universitari oficial de diplomat en Fisioteràpia, i ha pagat els drets d’expedició del títol en data del 28 de setembre de 2001.

I perquè tingui els mateixos efectes del títol, amb caràcter provisional fins que aquest s’editi, expedeixo aquesta certificació a sol·licitud de la persona interessada.

Bellaterra (Cerdanyola del Vallès), 17 de febrer de 2003
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It was hard to get the balance between making it sound good in English and having the same content as the Catalan. I'm looking for any general advice on changes to my translation. Hope you don't mind helping:

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I, Lluís Ferrer i Caubet, Rector of the Universitat Autònoma de Barcelona,

C E R T I F Y:

That Sergio Gracia Barbero, born on 13 March 1976, in Barcelona, in the Barcelonés comarca, of Spanish nationality, and holder of national identity card no. 43.440.273, has completed in this University, as of September 2001, the studies leading to the official university award of Diploma in Physiotherapy, and has paid the issuing fee for the certificate on 28 September 2001.

Upon request from the interested party, I issue this certificate, which, provisionally, until the Diploma is granted, will serve the same purpose as the Diploma itself.

Bellaterra (Cerdanyola del Vallès), 17 February 2003
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Timothy Barton
Local time: 19:15
English translation:Edit it!
Explanation:
Haven't got time to attack this, but just wanted to say I think you should remember your target audience and prune away the unecessary from the original to produce a piece which reads more like English.

Remember, you are really doing your job when you get over the same basic idea without the target reader realising they are reading a translation. Being too faithful to the original can often be a mere distraction.
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PS IN CASE ANYONE THINKS THIS IS AN ABUSE OF KUDOZ - MAY I REQUEST THEM TO SIMPLY IGNORE THIS. ANYONE WHO HAS THE TIME AND "GANES" TO HELP TIM, PLEASE CONTACT HIM DIRECTLY BY E-MAIL.

YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURHOOD MODERATOR.

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Note added at 6 hrs 41 mins (2005-01-24 21:15:34 GMT)
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PS I\'d probably go for something like this:

***That Sergio Gracia Barbero, (13/03/1976, Barcelona. I.D. #43.440.273), completed a course of studies at this University in September 2001 and was awarded a Diploma in Physiotherapy for which he paid the issuing fee on 28/09/2001.

Upon his request, I duly issue this provisional certificate, which will stand for the diploma in all circumstances until the authentic document is issued.
Selected response from:

Berni Armstrong
Spain
Local time: 18:15
Grading comment
Thanks for the help. Sorry if I was abusing KudoZ a little bit.
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



Summary of answers provided
5 +1Edit it!
Berni Armstrong


Discussion entries: 3





  

Answers


36 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 5/5 peer agreement (net): +1
Edit it!


Explanation:
Haven't got time to attack this, but just wanted to say I think you should remember your target audience and prune away the unecessary from the original to produce a piece which reads more like English.

Remember, you are really doing your job when you get over the same basic idea without the target reader realising they are reading a translation. Being too faithful to the original can often be a mere distraction.
----------------------------------------------------------------
PS IN CASE ANYONE THINKS THIS IS AN ABUSE OF KUDOZ - MAY I REQUEST THEM TO SIMPLY IGNORE THIS. ANYONE WHO HAS THE TIME AND "GANES" TO HELP TIM, PLEASE CONTACT HIM DIRECTLY BY E-MAIL.

YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURHOOD MODERATOR.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 6 hrs 41 mins (2005-01-24 21:15:34 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

PS I\'d probably go for something like this:

***That Sergio Gracia Barbero, (13/03/1976, Barcelona. I.D. #43.440.273), completed a course of studies at this University in September 2001 and was awarded a Diploma in Physiotherapy for which he paid the issuing fee on 28/09/2001.

Upon his request, I duly issue this provisional certificate, which will stand for the diploma in all circumstances until the authentic document is issued.


Berni Armstrong
Spain
Local time: 18:15
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 4
Grading comment
Thanks for the help. Sorry if I was abusing KudoZ a little bit.

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Sheila Hardie
35 mins
  -> Brevity is clarity is bliss
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