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The Newbie-Project Manager's Guide on How to Ruin an Entire Agency in 60 Days or Less Thread poster: Nicole Schnell
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Nicole Schnell 
United States
Local time: 17:55
English to German
+ ...
In memoriam
Here comes a small rant. This rant is based on recent and true events.
Dear Newbie-PM,
Congrats and welcome to your new workplace! We are certain that you will enjoy your new position. Starting today, you are a project MANAGER. This has a good ring to it. From now on you may feel entitled to boss all kinds of translators around and show them how the industry works, no matter if they are twice your age or hold a few more university degrees than you.
We want... See more Here comes a small rant. This rant is based on recent and true events.
Dear Newbie-PM,
Congrats and welcome to your new workplace! We are certain that you will enjoy your new position. Starting today, you are a project MANAGER. This has a good ring to it. From now on you may feel entitled to boss all kinds of translators around and show them how the industry works, no matter if they are twice your age or hold a few more university degrees than you.
We want you to be truly efficient, hence you might be grateful for the following tips:
1) Always contact a translator or editor last minute. They are like household appliances with an on-/off switch, they are sitting by the phone, waiting for you. The fact that the job has been on your desk for four days already is negligible, after all you had some serious pondering to do regarding your choice of the appropriate linguist. They won't notice anyway, even if you attach some end-client's emails dated from last week.
2) As the logical thing to do, you will calculate the deadline from the very moment that you sent your request to the translator. It doesn't matter if the translator of your choice is still busy with any other project. If this translator can not match YOUR deadline, he or she is simply slow, lazy or an idiot.
3) Problems with the CAT-tool that has been established as a standard between your employer and their long-term vendors? No problem. You simply pick only translators who own the software that you are familiar with. Whew! Your boss doesn't have to know.
4) The same goes when the go-to translator of many years for a particular account doesn't own the CAT-tool of your choice, only the one that has been used for many years. You don't know yet how to prepare files in your employer's CAT-tool, and this arrogant translator has the nerve to request a basic Word-file and refuses to give discounts. No problem, you will simply hire any other translator with the right software (whew!) and forward any emails from the furious end-client to the old translator to provide an elaborate evaluation at no charge.
5) Please don't waste your time with looking up any vendor history. If the legal translator keeps turning down your medical translation offers, he is probably not interested in any collaboration or perhaps doesn't like you and you simply take him off your contact list. It's that easy.
6) Never accept any lame excuses such as “I am booked up”, or “Sorry, I am going to attend my mother's funeral tomorrow and I will not be available.” They are all liars. Make sure to call them every two hours anyway to check in and if your files are going to be delivered before noon.
7) There is absolutely no need to care about time zones. You are a MANAGER now and you have to adhere to your employer's office hours. If the translator overseas doesn't pick up the phone at 3 am his time after several attempts, this person is most likely unreliable or dead. Take him off the list.
8) Also, translators don't need sleep. It is perfectly OK to call a translator who just completed a major rush job for you overnight around noon to chat or so. If the translator doesn't answer, he or she must be considered unresponsive, unreliable or is probably drunk. Take this flake off your list.
9) And don't forget: that world market leader client that you just lost – you did nothing but your job, being a manager now and applying your keen strategic thinking by trying to save money for your company and such.
Note to self: Call that IT-person tomorrow to delete that world market leader's logo from your company website. ▲ Collapse
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The Newbie-Project Manager's Guide on How to Ruin an Entire Agency in 60 Days or Less
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