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What language do you speak to your partner?
Thread poster: RafaLee
marmur (X)
marmur (X)
France
Local time: 16:11
French to Spanish
+ ...
some ideas? Nov 18, 2008

I find this very interesting! And I was telling myself, if someone could give me some ideas to help my french husband to learn spanish since I belive he doesn't likes it, always giving excuses not to do it.. I'm not wanting him to become an expert, just to be able to communicate with family and friends. Do you think that will be fixed when kids will come (of course, i'll speak to them in spanish!)

 
Óscar Delgado Gosálvez
Óscar Delgado Gosálvez  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 10:11
Member (2007)
English to Spanish
+ ...
It can be hard Nov 18, 2008

French can be the worse
I am married to a Dutch woman, I speak Dutch, she speaks Spanish. We speak Spanish and English with each other.
My brother in law is married to a Swede, they both speak fluently each other's language. They speak English and German with each other.

A close family member of mine is married to a French, as well. They live in France. She speaks perfect French. He never learned to speak
... See more
French can be the worse
I am married to a Dutch woman, I speak Dutch, she speaks Spanish. We speak Spanish and English with each other.
My brother in law is married to a Swede, they both speak fluently each other's language. They speak English and German with each other.

A close family member of mine is married to a French, as well. They live in France. She speaks perfect French. He never learned to speak Spanish, even with three kids. He declared himself content to understand it, because it was soo similar to French.
Worse, the little girls felt guilty for speaking a freaky language and Spanish never really rooted, in spite of all my family member's efforts and yearly summer visits to Spain.

If you really want your partner to learn the language, make it clear that it is really important for you, go on holidays somewhere nice, romantic, and with the closest family member being at least 200 miles away, and take some summer courses: you can take origami courses while he soaks up some Spanish.

Try to make learning Spanish a fond memory.
Don't wait for the kids. When you get kids it will be a lot more difficult to find the time to make a good start.
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Sabine König
Sabine König  Identity Verified
Local time: 16:11
Member (2012)
German to French
Binlingual Family Nov 30, 2008

Hello

I have German parents but grew up in the french speaking part of Switzerland. So my best language is French. I speak German with my parents but French with my brother.

Now, I'm married, with a men having the same initial situation (Geman mother, father = German teacher, they spoke German at home) but he also grew up a french speaking environment.

Now, logically we are speaking French to each other.

What are we doing with the children, sin
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Hello

I have German parents but grew up in the french speaking part of Switzerland. So my best language is French. I speak German with my parents but French with my brother.

Now, I'm married, with a men having the same initial situation (Geman mother, father = German teacher, they spoke German at home) but he also grew up a french speaking environment.

Now, logically we are speaking French to each other.

What are we doing with the children, since we are now living in the (Swiss)-German speaking part of Switzerland?

We decided to get them a bilingual education. That is to say: I speak German to them, my husband speaks French and my husband and I still speak French to each other. The children answer and talk to each of us in the adequate language. Beside of that, the children speak swiss-german when they are with their friends or with all other persons who speak that language.

It was a hard job for my husband in the beginning to "force" the children to answer in French, but now they do well and we are sure it's a great advantage for them.

But, I must admit that not all feelings can be transposed easily in another language.
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Sean Serra
Sean Serra
Slovakia
Local time: 16:11
Member (2020)
Slovak to Italian
+ ...
Slovak Italian... Jan 8, 2009

I am Italian and my wife is Slovak...when we met we used to speak English, but now we speak both Slovak and Italian...

 
Peter van der Hoek
Peter van der Hoek
Spain
Local time: 16:11
Member (2008)
Dutch to English
+ ...
4 languages Jan 10, 2009

My wife is German, I am Dutch and our son is Venezuelan.
We live on Isla Margarita so we speak Spanish to each other (although we both speak each other's language). She speaks German to our son, I speak Dutch to him, the neighbours and the TV speak English to him and his friends speak Spanish to him.


 
Zoe Perry
Zoe Perry  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 10:11
Portuguese to English
+ ...
one of my favorite topics! Jun 12, 2009

I'm not sure why I never found this thread on here before!

The topic of a pilot study I conducted leading to my MA dissertation was language use, change and maintenance in bilingual couples. This is something I have talked about a lot with people and am quite fascinated by.

My native language is English, and my partner is Brazilian. We met in Portugal speaking only English with each other, then went through a phase where I spoke in English and he answered in Portuguese
... See more
I'm not sure why I never found this thread on here before!

The topic of a pilot study I conducted leading to my MA dissertation was language use, change and maintenance in bilingual couples. This is something I have talked about a lot with people and am quite fascinated by.

My native language is English, and my partner is Brazilian. We met in Portugal speaking only English with each other, then went through a phase where I spoke in English and he answered in Portuguese (and vice-versa). It was easy for us, but made it difficult to know what to do in social situations. Now we speak only Portuguese together and I see his (once) good English slowly worsening.

Some very good friends of ours are an Austrian/Argentinean couple who met in Portugal and speak English with each other. Neither had a very strong background in English before they met and it's interesting to hear the mistakes they reinforce. Often it seems more like they've created their own language just loosely based on English.
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Lauren Butler (X)
Lauren Butler (X)
Local time: 15:11
Russian to English
+ ...
US/UK English Jun 12, 2009



[Edited at 2011-03-11 10:15 GMT]


 
Saskia Ponzi
Saskia Ponzi

Local time: 16:11
Italian to German
+ ...
We changed after 10 years... Jun 12, 2009

My italian husband and I used to speak German to each other. He spoke Italian to the kids, which answered in German. At this time we lived in Germany, and slowly German became very dominant. Then I started to learn Italian seriously, to read italian books and watch italian films and TV. My husband was the only "opportunity" for me to speak Italian, so I started to do it. At the beginning it feeled very strange... but then it was a great benefit for all the family. My Italian became better and th... See more
My italian husband and I used to speak German to each other. He spoke Italian to the kids, which answered in German. At this time we lived in Germany, and slowly German became very dominant. Then I started to learn Italian seriously, to read italian books and watch italian films and TV. My husband was the only "opportunity" for me to speak Italian, so I started to do it. At the beginning it feeled very strange... but then it was a great benefit for all the family. My Italian became better and the language started to interest seriously our four kids...
Now we live in Italy, and today it feels strange speaking (occasionally) German to each other. Three of the kids are answering their father in Italian, but the youngest had decided to answer in German, like he always did. They are almost perfectly bilingual.
I have to excuse my English... but I really liked to take part in this discussion...
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Derek Gill Franßen
Derek Gill Franßen  Identity Verified
Germany
Local time: 16:11
German to English
+ ...
In memoriam
Her language Jun 18, 2009

I'm an American living in Germany and I speak German to my German wife most of the time, although we do occasionally converse in English (and sometimes even in Plattdeutsch, the German dialect her parents speak). German was what we used at the beginning of the relationship, since I was in Germany to learn German, and it has stayed that way for the last 15 years.

She speaks English to the few non-German-speaking members of my family and they say it is good, but we are currently speak
... See more
I'm an American living in Germany and I speak German to my German wife most of the time, although we do occasionally converse in English (and sometimes even in Plattdeutsch, the German dialect her parents speak). German was what we used at the beginning of the relationship, since I was in Germany to learn German, and it has stayed that way for the last 15 years.

She speaks English to the few non-German-speaking members of my family and they say it is good, but we are currently speaking more English than usual so she can feel even more at home in my language.

I try to speak English to our two kids as much as possible, but I admit that I do tend to "slip" into German if I want to get the point accross quickly. Bedtime stories are ALWAYS read aloud in English--I never tire of Dr. Suess.

My step-daughter was six when I came on to the scene, so her native language is definitely German; but, even with my 75%-English-to-25%-German ratio, she--now 20 years old--is fluent enough in English to have moved to Scotland to study at the University (got A's and B's this first year) and have a relationship with a Scottish partner. I love the Scottish accent she has now picked up (she used to have my Utahn accent when she spoke English).

I do speak even more English (I estimate it to be around 85% English to 15% German) with my daughter of ten, but her native language is that of her mother: German. I was, however, pleansantly surprised to have recently received a small note on my desk from her and it was written in English. She used to answer me in German but is now starting to answer in English, so I've decided--although I probably should have spoken English to her 100% of the time--that she'll be fluent enough to get along in an English-speaking environment later, if she wants to be in one (which is the currently her wish).

Fun topic!


[Edited at 2009-06-18 09:56 GMT]
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Jennifer Jones
Jennifer Jones
United Kingdom
Local time: 15:11
Italian to English
+ ...
From Spanish....to English.....to Arabic Jun 18, 2009

This subject is really fascinating...

My husband is Moroccan and speaks Moroccan-Arabic and I'm a Brit. We met in Spain where at the time my husband was living. Luckily for me I was studying Spanish at university and so we had a common language. He also spoke some French so between the two languages we managed to get by.

When my husband moved over to the UK he didn’t speak a word of English and it took him a couple of years and the help of a college course to becom
... See more
This subject is really fascinating...

My husband is Moroccan and speaks Moroccan-Arabic and I'm a Brit. We met in Spain where at the time my husband was living. Luckily for me I was studying Spanish at university and so we had a common language. He also spoke some French so between the two languages we managed to get by.

When my husband moved over to the UK he didn’t speak a word of English and it took him a couple of years and the help of a college course to become conversant – English has now taken over as our common language (and my efforts to learn Arabic are a work in progress!). We're expecting our first baby in September and we plan to bring her up fully bilingual, with my husband speaking in Arabic to her and I, in English. We’re also planning to get some private tuition later on so that she learns how to read and write in Arabic. My father-in-law also speaks fluent French and it would be nice to be able to teach her some French, but I do wonder if there is a limit to how many languages it's feasible for a child to learn!
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Rod Walters
Rod Walters  Identity Verified
Japan
Local time: 23:11
Japanese to English
Japanese as the lingua franca between Franks and Angles Jun 18, 2009

Jeff Allen wrote:

My wife and I even speak with native English speakers (also living in French) in French.


I speak 'plateau' Japanese to my wife. That means, I learnt to speak a certain amount and plateaued.

But a Frenchman and his Japanese wife are soon to move into our rural community, and I talk with him in Japanese. We could probably manage in each other's language, but it tickles me to speak to him in Japanese... although I'm tormented afterwards by flashbacks of the conversations we had but converted into passable French.

I'm wondering how the language thing will work out when we're both staggering about under the weight of a 'portable' shrine and sake from 6 am at the autumn festival.


 
Gogyoo
Gogyoo
Local time: 16:11
English to French
Long story short Jun 18, 2009

I'm French and she is German. We live in Germany since 2007 and, althought I am probably too hard on myself, I feel I am still struggling to learn German.
It has to be acknowledged that this challenge has a positive side to it: this truly is a wonderful language, those 30-40-lettered nested words which only make sense in German. Also, "graveyard" never sounded better than in German!

We use German for everyday conversation, French for romance business...
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I'm French and she is German. We live in Germany since 2007 and, althought I am probably too hard on myself, I feel I am still struggling to learn German.
It has to be acknowledged that this challenge has a positive side to it: this truly is a wonderful language, those 30-40-lettered nested words which only make sense in German. Also, "graveyard" never sounded better than in German!

We use German for everyday conversation, French for romance business and we use English either when we fight or to express a very abstract or complicated idea.

I do want to my kids to learn French and would definitely want to teach them some basic English to make it easier on them when they have to learn it at school. It may sound like bragging, but I really do not have this typical French accent when speaking English. But I do not speak with RP either...
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Berni Armstrong
Berni Armstrong  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 16:11
Member
English
+ ...
Language limits? Jun 18, 2009

Jennifer Moussabel wrote:

...... but I do wonder if there is a limit to how many languages it's feasible for a child to learn!


I was once a long standing member of the Bilingual Families Mailing List. Many families there had perfectly balanced kids speaking three or four languages in all kinds of combinations. (Including a family who spoke Latin at home! And another where Dad spoke Esperanto, Mum spoke Franch and they lived in the USA).

However, my favourite family were a couple in which he spoke Arab to their son, she spoke Dutch (the parents spoke English to each other).... And where did they live?...

In Japan!

The kid (at seven) spoke fluent Dutch, Arab and Japanese and had serious notions of English...

Kids are language absorbers and the human brain at that age is a marvel at sorting it all out!


PS Jennifer if you are just starting out with Arabic I would recommend the Michel Thomas method - I have just made a start on basic Arabic with that course and I am really impressed at the progress I am making.

The course costs about what it would cost you for three private lessons.

There are NO books - just 8 CDs and the emphasis is on conversational Arabic - no attempt being made to teach you how any of what you are learning is written. However, if, like me, you want the basics for holidays, tourism, etc. I can highly recommend the MT course.

[Edited at 2009-06-18 15:34 GMT]


 
Paula Borges
Paula Borges  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 15:11
Member (2010)
English to Portuguese
+ ...
English Apr 21, 2010

I only speak English with my husband (who is British) and for work US English most of the time - that is 80% of the time speaking English.
The rest is 15% Brazilian Portuguese and the 5% European Portuguese with my family too to make myself understood. Sometimes it gets tiring!

[Edited at 2010-04-21 03:23 GMT]


 
Marketing Translator
Marketing Translator
Bulgaria
Local time: 17:11
English to Bulgarian
+ ...
What language do you speak to your partner? Apr 21, 2010

I am Bulgarian and my husband is German, we live in Bulgaria, but he does not speak Bulgarian and I speak with him German. We have Baby, I speak with him Bulgarian and his father speaks with him German, I hope he will speak both languages.

 
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